What 25 Years in Germany Actually Taught Me

I moved to Munich from the San Francisco Bay Area in the fall of 1999 on a whim. I had a few friends here and figured I could always go home. I was 27, and if I was ever going to do something impulsive—to experience another part of the world as more than just a tourist—it was now or never.

Amazingly, after an aimless first year, I managed to get a job. Over time I built a deep network, a family, and a couple of businesses.

In a couple of years I'll have lived in Germany as long as I lived in America. Here are some observations I can share from my experience.

If You Still Hate Germany After Two Years, You Probably Always Will

I get it. The unfriendliness, unnecessary rudeness, the bureaucracy. German culture can be frustratingly inflexible and pedantic. It's not an 'open' place. But over the years I've noticed it's much easier to remember the bad experiences than the good. I make a point of noting when a stranger has been friendly on a bike path, good-humored while walking the dog, or extra helpful in a store. #notallgermans.

I've also accepted it's just a different country. That's stating the obvious, but it's important because a lot of adjusting is about altering your expectations.

I also appreciate how much I get from this country that I don't in my own. The obvious things like healthcare, but also a feeling of rootedness, safety, and security. My eight-year-old walks to school on her own. I don't worry about her getting shot at school. I live in a city full of public beauty.

You have to take the good with the bad.

In my early years I started avoiding expats who did nothing but complain about Germans and Germany—especially since they were usually people with plenty of options. I understand there are reasons to complain. On bad days, I can still complain with the best of them.

But if you're over two years in without an attitude overhaul, you're probably never going to like it here.

When There's a Will, There's a Way

I'm not saying it's easy, but if you want something in your Germany journey as an Ausländer—a job or an apartment, for example—there is a way. It may just take a long time and require a lot of paperwork and patience. I was reminded of this in a recent podcast interview with Rachel Wright, who runs an event design business in Berlin. When dealing with anything from finding an apartment to renewing a visa, she said to

"really just try to break down the steps and see it as a numbers game and like nothing personal." She's right.

Despite my American passport, when I got here and was looking for an apartment, I was a jobless, brown-skinned foreigner who couldn't speak German. I lived in an office and showered at the gym for almost six months, then found a sublet through the few contacts I had.

A corporate job changed everything almost overnight, but I had to hustle a lot in the beginning.

Networking Changes Everything

I can trace just about every opportunity I've had in Germany back to my network. I landed my corporate agency job by attending an expat beer garden meetup where someone told me which firms were hiring. The apartment we live in now was never on the market because we knew friends were moving out. I went freelance and automatically got contracting jobs from the network I built over 10 years at that corporate job. When I started my solo agency, many initial clients came from the same network, including one for an APAC managing director who started a foundation.

Functional German Will Transform Your Experience

Being a native English speaker can be a curse. For my first two years I was surrounded by expats and lived in an English bubble. I was put on international accounts like Vodafone where everyone had to speak English (and I was often the sole native speaker in meetings). The incentive to improve my German was almost non-existent.

Most of us have had the experience of gathering our courage, attempting to speak our best German, and having the person respond in English. You can live your whole life in English if you want to, and many people do.

But at some point I wanted to go deeper. I didn't want to be the person that forced the room, the party, or the meeting to switch into English. I didn't want to zone out in group conversations when I couldn't understand everything.

I got serious. I got my B1 certification, and a dear friend spoke only German to me (ironically when we were working in London!).

Don't get me wrong—my German is fine, but not great. It should be better considering how long I've been here. Our family language is English and I spend my days working and writing in English. But I can manage my affairs in German, enjoy and engage in social events with German friends, and not miss important information in my environment.

Once I reached this point, Germany as a whole became accessible to me and felt less frustrating, foreign, and hostile.

Next stop: Getting fluent enough to win a political argument!

Germany Wants Employees Not Entrepreneurs, But That Creates Hidden Opportunities

Life as a freelancer, solopreneur, or entrepreneur in Germany can be difficult. This topic comes up in many of my podcast interviews with other self-employed expats in Germany.

When I'm home in America, it seems everyone, regardless of their socioeconomic situation, is running a side hustle or has some kind of entrepreneurial project on the back burner.

I see very little of this energy in Germany. I believe it's partly cultural, but as we all know, the state doesn't make it easy. I'm inspired daily by the foreigner-owned small businesses we discover while building the Germany List.

That's where the opportunity lies. 

In Germany you are not one of many—you are one of the few if you strike out on your own. If you have the grit to overcome the hurdles, you will have much less competition in your space, making it easier to succeed.

Your Priorities Will Change Completely Over Time

When I moved to Munich I was in my late twenties. My priorities centered around finding a job, finding a partner, seeing the world, and having fun.

Fortunately I was able to cross all those things off my list. Now that I'm settled with a family, my concerns are complicated and different.

Some of the things I think about a lot: How will I help my siblings take care of our aging parents when I'm so far away? How will I reconcile any residual retirement benefits I'm eligible for with my German pension? (The paperwork never ends!) Do I even want to grow old in Germany? (It will depend on where our child is.) How should my husband and I organize our assets so we aren't crushed by dual taxation?

Definitely not exciting subjects. Nothing to worry about when you're young and carefree.

The Long View

Looking back, I realize that my journey in Germany has been less about conquering a foreign system and more about allowing it to change me. The country that once felt hostile and impenetrable has become home—not because it bent to accommodate me, but because I learned to find my place within it. 

The bureaucracy still frustrates me, the social dynamics still puzzle me sometimes, and my German still isn't perfect. But somewhere along the way, the daily irritations became background noise, and the deeper rewards—the security, the community, the slower pace of Sunday mornings—became the foreground of my life. 

For anyone considering their own leap across the Atlantic, just know this: if you can survive the first two years with your sanity and curiosity intact, you might just discover that the country you thought you were visiting temporarily has quietly become the place you can't imagine leaving.

About the author

Eleanor Mayrhofer is an American designer and marketer based in Munich. She specializes in digital marketing services for thought leaders, thinkers, experts and authorities. Get to know more about Eleanor here.